COSA 12-Step — Free Support for Loved Ones of Sex Addicts
COSA is a free 12-step fellowship for individuals whose lives have been impacted by the compulsive sexual behavior of a partner, family member, or close loved one. Originally an acronym for Codependents of Sex Addicts, COSA today welcomes anyone seeking recovery from the effects of someone else’s compulsive sexual behavior, regardless of how they would describe their own role. COSA holds meetings in person across the United States and online via phone and video.
What to Expect
COSA meetings follow the standard 12-step format. A typical meeting runs about an hour: members open with the Serenity Prayer, read COSA literature, hear a brief share from the leader, and then take turns sharing. The focus is on members’ own recovery from the trauma, fear, and unhealthy relationship patterns that often emerge from being close to someone with compulsive sexual behavior. There’s no cross-talk, no advice giving, and what’s shared in the meeting stays in the meeting. Members are encouraged to work the 12 steps with a sponsor — another COSA member further along in recovery.
Who This Group Is For
The only requirement for COSA membership is a desire for recovery from the impact of someone else’s sexual addiction. Members include current and former partners, spouses, parents, adult children, siblings, friends, and others whose lives have been touched by a loved one’s compulsive sexual behavior. COSA welcomes members regardless of whether the person whose behavior affected them is in recovery, in active addiction, or no longer in their life. Many members attend both COSA and S-Anon, since the two fellowships have overlapping principles.
Why Peer Support Works
The discovery of a loved one’s compulsive sexual behavior is often described as a traumatic event — sudden, disorienting, and isolating. COSA’s role is to give members a place to begin healing from that experience, regardless of what happens with the relationship itself. Sitting in a meeting with others who have walked the same road — and applying the 12-step framework to their own recovery rather than their loved one’s behavior — is, for many members, the beginning of getting their own life back.
How to Join
COSA is free and self-supported through member contributions. Find a meeting at cosa-recovery.org, which lists in-person, phone, and online meetings throughout the week. The site also includes literature, an FAQ for newcomers, and information about sponsorship and step work. Meetings are confidential and open to anyone whose life has been affected by another person’s compulsive sexual behavior.